And I'm not talking about the obvious (misplaced arrogance, exaggerated number of NCs, etc.)- I mean the little things. The obnoixous things that, when you're watching a bammer game in person or on TV, make you think, "God, I freaking hate these guys". Here's a partial list of mine:
1. The $800,000 Band just won't STFU. Bammer scores? They're playing. Bammer's opponent scores? Yep, they're playing. Injured player writhing in pain on the field? You guessed it, they're playing. They have no sense of timing, nor shame. The Pride gets derided for playing Rocky Top too much, but they have nothing on these guys. And speaking of the $800,000 band...
2. "Yea Alabama" is the "In a Gadda Da Vida" of college fight songs. If you've only seen their games on TV you may not realize it, but their fight song is like 4 times longer than any other. They don't play the whole thing in-game, because there is never a break that long. But during pregame warmups they'll start playing it. 9 minutes later, you're thinking, "Wait is this still happening? Is this even the same song, or are they playing something else that sounds just like it?" But no, it's the same damn song. I think there's even an organ solo in there somewhere. And staying on the music theme...
3. Bammers are born with the innate ability to insert the phrase "row tahd" into any piece of music ever written. And I'm not just talking "Sweet Home Alabama". I'm talking anything that gets played over that PA.
Anything. No matter how stupid or obscure. Here are some examples:
Sweeet Caroline
(Row tahd row!)
Good times never felt so good
Rollin' down the street, smokin' indo, sippin' on gin and juice
Roooooow Tahd!
With my mind on my money and my money on my mind
Skyrockets in flight
(Row Tahd!)
Afternoon delight!
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Heeeey Macarena
(Row Tahd!)But the most annoying thing about bammer, maybe the most annoying thing in SEC footb...no, ALL of college football is:
4. That mic'd up male cheerleader. OMG, this guy is the worst. He sounds like he's coming from the bottom of a well. On TV, you can hear him droning "roooooooooooowwwwwwww tahd!" for three solid hours. Sometimes, they'll turn up the volume and he'll even drown out Verne. You're thankful when they cut to commercial, and you're turning cartwheels at halftime, because you finally get a break from that obnoxious SOB. But watch the entire game, and even when you go to sleep, he'll haunt your dreams that night. I seriously want to go down there and shove that microphone right down his suckhole. It would be worth the jail time.
One more, this one is personal. When I was growing up, the family living next door were bammers. As this was pre-1982, we were in the midst of a long losing streak to those tree-killing bastards. And every year during this week, the father next door would tell us the same joke:
Q: What do the Vols and the Moon have in common?
A: They're both controlled by the tide!
Now, even as an 8 year old kid, I remember thinking to myself, "I'm pretty sure that's not how that works". But as I was just a kid and he was an adult, I never attempted to correct him. I'm sure he was probably a graduate of bammer's oceanography program.
