10. Christmas Wrapping, The WaitressesOne of those things that's so bad, it's actually kinda good. Dumb, harmless, fun song, brought to you by the same luminaries who gave us "I know what boys like". But still so, so bad.
https://www.youtube.com/v/nud2TQNahaU9. Anything, literally ANYTHING by Manheim SteamrollerYes kids, there was actually a time when people LIKED this shizzle. It was called the 80's.
https://www.youtube.com/v/jUSCoaS_l4k8. The First NoelYes, this is borderline blasphemous, I get that. I also understand that this song is very, VERY old. So old that we're not even sure who wrote it. It was also written in Old English, so the modern translation is going to come out a bit wonky. But while the melody is beautiful, the lyrics just don't work. No sense of poetry or phrasing. And the latter verses are even worse than the well-known first verse.
https://www.youtube.com/v/D5uud2fjtoo7. Shake Up Christmas, TrainWhen Satan greets you at the gates of hell, I can only imagine he sounds very much like Pat Monahan shouting "HO HO HO" at the top of this song. Also, they use "December" as a verb. A
verb.https://www.youtube.com/v/J-8VCL4uSUc6. Several Woke Versions of Baby It's Cold OutsideAh yes- the original was just a little too rapey. So like everything else these days, our millennial betters had to "fix" it for the Me Too crowd.
https://www.youtube.com/v/I776VyXJab45. Santa BabyAnd the funny thing is, the same people who decried "Baby It's Cold Outside" see this insipid, kinda slutty song as an anthem of "female empowerment". Irony is lost on these people.
https://www.youtube.com/v/wAyZZTq7E44. The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire), Whitney HoustonWow, Whitney was really deep into her Tyrone Biggums phase here. Just listen to this train wreck. The vocal gymnastics are over the top, even by Whitney's standards. And the "Happy Chanakuh, Happy Kwanza" at the end are just the rancid olives on top of this shizzle sandwich.
https://www.youtube.com/v/eHMT89J6Pos3. Happy Xmas (War is Over), John LennonHonestly, I don't hate this for the song itself. In fact, I kinda like it. But the fact that it came out less than 6 months after "Imagine" ("Imagine there's no Heaven" and "No religion too") shows that Lennon was either the ultimate hypocrite, the ultimate capitalist, or both.
https://www.youtube.com/v/8WA7lv0D9f42. Do They Know It's Christmastime?, Band AidFirst things first- this song was originally written to benefit the starving people of famine-stricken Ethiopia. Ethiopia is one of the oldest majority Christian states on Earth. So yes, I feel pretty certain that they do indeed know it's Christmas time. Second, the "white savior" complex in this song is obnoxious and overwhelming. Writer Bob Geldof even admitted as much years later.
https://www.youtube.com/v/bjQzJAKxTrE1. Wonderful Christmastime, Paul McCartneyWhere to start? The simplistic lyrics that sound like they were written by a toddler? The ridiculous omnipresent synth riff? Or is it just that this is Paul Freaking McCartney, and we
expect better of him? The entirety of his musical career is just BARELY enough for me to forgive him for this dumpster fire of Holiday "cheer".
https://www.youtube.com/v/94Ye-3C1FC8
